I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm at about main and main street
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
