Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
