If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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