She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
