cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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