remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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