Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Randomize
