we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
