also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
