life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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