Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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