Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
