His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
