u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
