the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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