Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
