I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
