32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
