I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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