I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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