You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
