I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
FUCK WHALES
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
