i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
