I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
