HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we're making bets on your personal life
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
