I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
