He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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