Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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