So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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