ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How external is "for external use only"?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
