I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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