He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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