I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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