Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
