Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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