I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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