I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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