Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
