Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
