He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
