Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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