Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
