Well apparently he's into motor boating.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
