her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
