My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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