he shaved USA in his pubs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
