I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
