I have demons in me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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