I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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