i think my tv is drunk
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Shitshow foam night was such a success
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
