just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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