i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
high people should be assigned attendants
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
