I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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