look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
