Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Holy shit dude........stairs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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