I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
