You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
