i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
