You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize