I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
