why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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