Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
