what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
