She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
