i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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